Happy Nerd Makes More Work

♥ Alice, ♥ The Doctor

Thanks to TeeFury I now own t-shirts with the following images.  I was doing so well with not spending money... then I saw this.  I love Alice in Wonderland- and have loved those books for so long.  And Princess Aurora was my first favorite princess.

 

And, if I  bought two t-shirts I got a FREE sticker play set.  Seriously, tell me how I was supposed to say no to that.

Then... I got TWO sets.  One to play with, one to save in pristine condition.

It's the little things.

Now I own two of these sticker play sets.

This improves my quality of life.  

For serious.

Simple Ways to Improve Everyday

Feel free to skip half way down to get to the intended content - stuff to help make your day more enjoyable and life a little brighter.  

Some History

I have struggled with depression since I was in elementary school.   I am a functioning adult; I go to work, I have two kids, there is food in my kitchen, I pay my bills, my house is clean...relatively.  Full disclosure: I do not and never have separated my whites from my colors.  Many people are surprised if they find out that I, a "normal" suffers from depression.  I'm not really sure how I keep it separated, but I must have learned young.

Many days I am convinced nothing will ever improve.  I cried miserably every day at 6- at least once. I remember loathing myself at 8.  I started physically harming myself in middle school, I've have had suicidal thoughts on and off since 12.

Depression  has been a silent companion.  Heavy and predictable.

During my last pregnancy I had a few challenges. I've been anxious before, but I experienced anxiety in an intensely horrifying way.  I would lose control of my emotions, of my actions, of my words.

A couple weeks before the baby was born my husband moved out.  I was terrified of having a stroke, of going into labor while alone with my 4 year old, of living alone.  I would start to worry and obsess, then lose control of all rational thought.  With rational thoughts leaving the party you can bet rational actions we're right there with them.

Anyhow, fast forward to now.  I have a 4 year old who shows no jealousy and a whole lot of empathy, and a 4 month old whose general mood is better than any baby's mood has a right to be.

I have adapted fairly well.  Like I said, my house is clean... relatively.  The kids are fed and wearing clean clothes... although currently the 4 year old has a beard comprised of green hopefully-not-permanent-marker scribble.  Childcare is a little more than half of what I bring home a month.  Prior to 6 months ago there was no need for daycare, I didn't foresee how large an impact it would have financially.  There are also other stresses that have to do with work, raising two little ones and maintaining a home, a challenging relationship with my husband, and with family and friends knowing my situation as well has having opinions on it- which obviously they are allowed to have them.        

(Sidebar: I talk a lot.  About a lot of things.  A lot of the time.  I am comfortable talking about all sorts of things, and I think people just assume I'm an open book. 

As I mentioned above, many people are surprised if they find out I have a long, consistent history of depression.  Not only do I not talk about certain things, but I tend to not even notice me thinking them- never mind working through them.  I've been asked why I was crying the previous day, and I think, "I was crying?"  I'm not saying it is healthy, but it probably has a good deal to do with how I've kept it "under the radar.")

In spite of surviving, and maybe even appearing as thriving, I still get anxious and spend a fair amount of time with a pessimistic mindset.

What you allow is what will continue.

Original intended content before I decided to include a history 

I am a firm believer that we are responsible for our own actions and what happens in our life.  Ultimately, we are responsible for our own happiness.  I believe that to a large extent we have control over our thought patterns.  I haven't studied it, but I tend to have pretty good instincts.  If we allow ourselves to feel anxious or hateful it's easy for it to become a norm.  I've used a metaphor:  It's a lot easier to redirect the flow of a smaller stream than to redirect the Colorado River.  The Grand Canyon isn't going to move easily.  This implies that at some point it's too late- or near impossible.  

Every couple of years I write out a list of things that make me happy.  I encourage you to make your own list of things you love and make you happy.  I don't know why I started doing it. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised by finding past lists.  I am lucky that even though I can be so sad, I can also be so easily delighted.  Little things make me smile. Medium things excite me.  Big things consume me.

She was a girl who knew how to be happy even when she was sad.  And that's important, you know. -Marilyn Monroe

I have been consistently crankier.  It could be hormones, and it definitely has something to do with my current circumstances.  I don't want to be impatient and critical, easily agitated.  I don't like me when I'm like that.  And I'm like that because I'm already unhappy- it's a cruel cycle.  

I've devised a plan of attack.  Actively add little things from the list  to daily life to improve perspective.  I am diverting the stream of my persistent antagonistic mood before it becomes my standard attitude.

Some Examples Of How I Improve Everyday

 I love quotes.  I cannot tell you how much. My Pinterest is littered with them. Point is, other peoples' words inspire me.  So I use them.   I write them on my mirrors and windows with dry erase markers, I tack them up at work, write them on my calendar, leave one in my wallet, set the desk top back ground, you get the picture.  

Things that inspire me or to remind me of things I need to "hear." (like to the right)   I have hangings from when I saw the Dalai Lama in places where I may need certain messages.  

By the way, the Dalai Lama is on the list of things that I love/make me happy.  Seeing him speak was amazing.  Looking at his picture right now is making me happy. 

I love reading.  When I've had enough of reality fiction is the place for me! 

I love bubbles.  I can't explain it.  They make me giddy. I think I'm going to start carrying some with me.... for the kids...

The Beatles.  The Fab Four.  In high school it was Rubber Soul and Revolver.  Now I really enjoy their older stuff, recordings from before they had records.  When people used to share songs.  I Wanna Hold Your Hand in German.  Their first 4 albums and Abby Road.  I know this can't be original, but if I had a daughter my first pregnancy I wanted to name her Abby Rose.  I've loved them since middle school.  Sometimes I listen to their entire discography in a day.  Everyone needs happy music.

Sometimes I listen to Mantras and/or Tibetan throat singing.  I also have mala beads for when I want to chant my own mantra.  I could go into the benefits, but I'll save that for another time.

 I love being outside.  Even sitting on the porch really soothes me.   I love walking in the woods. (Not to be confused with running- never running.)  I love watching storms, the smell of electricity in the air.  I love how quiet it is after it snows. I can't always go outside, but my mental health is much improved when I get regular outside time.

I love the rain.  I currently have sky lights, so it sounds so neat.  I like the feeling of a rainy day and being cooped up inside- as long as it isn't the 15th rainy day I'm feeling.  And when it's warmer I love being in the rain.

I'm a bit of a dork.  It's okay, I'm completely comfortable with that.  I love Doctor Who. ♥♥  I got the cookie jar for my birthday a couple years ago.  I keep it at work- most people don't even know what it is.  Their loss.  When I'm having an especially rough day I open the lid, and the sound of the Tardis makes me smile.  

I also have an awesome sticker play set with Doctor Who and Disney Princesses for when things are really harry.  I'll have to get a picture.

I even indulged in a couple of nerdy female t-shirts.  I'm happier when I wear them.  I wear them on days I have extra chores or errands.

I have always loved purple pens.  It's my favorite color to write in.  It doesn't matter what I'm writing- it can be a shopping list or a message from my voice mail at work- it's better if it's written with a purple pen.  I haven't had a purple pen since high school 10 years ago.  A few weeks ago I got a purple pen.  I love it.

Coffee.  There is definitely something delightful of having my coffee from MY mug.  This can backfire, if someone heartless has gotten to my mug first.  Now I have a back up. 

I love water.  There isn't time for baths or swimming in the tropics these days, but a hot shower does wonders!  

I like making things.  I have gotten into jewelry making, crocheting, drawing, scrap booking, and tons of other things.  Even coloring.  Who doesn't like coloring.  (If you don't please realize that was rhetorical.)  Now I get to create and do fun projects with the kids, too.

Being creative really lets me use the part of my brain I'm forever trying to put away.  

Most recently I started a project to provide homeless with backpacks filled with necessities. My current goal is 150 backpacks, to pass them out in a city, and record it to inspire others.  Check it out at The Positivity Project.

I'm going to try to start making this list a few times a year.  I'm going to start doing to same with goals, or things I'd like to get out of life.  Practicing more Reiki, Tai Chi and Qi Gong will improve so many things.  And there is a lot I want to learn, see and accomplish.  If it's on the list for 2 years maybe I'll realize it's time to do something about it.

This is way lengthier and took way longer than I thought it would.  I hope there is something here that can either help you make mundane days a little more enjoyable, or allow you to help make someone else's day better.

No Negative Thoughts

1. I love quotes.  Seriously, love them.  You should see my Pinterest.  I have several boards with posts.
2. I have dealt with depression a better part of my life.  I have good days, and not so good days.
3. Sometimes I like to post things around to remind me or inspire me.  I want to shape my thought process.

In the past I have posted the Reiki precepts. When I get used to seeing it and don't notice it I try to switch it up. I don't always have things up, but it's nice.





Today I needed a boost, so I was looking around for something that fit. I started with " You are allowed to be happy" in my search. A little cheesy, but a good message for my FB page The Positivity Project.

I came across the below and thought it would be perfect to put up in a "zone."  I have an area with my Reiki and spiritual things.  It's near my bed, so another good concept for insomnia type nights.

What if I could manage to not have anxiety or depressed driven thoughts in an area out of habit?  Imagine the possibilities.  How I could shape my attitude for the future....  

I HAVE THE POWER

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself; I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.  I chose which it shall be.  Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet.  I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

         Found the quote, then set it to a picture I StumbledUpon and set as my desktop background.  I like to post things I find helpful to cultivating the mindset I want around, and the desktop back ground is great for that.

Stop Bitching, Be Happy

I tend to use the second person when I shouldn't.  I apologize, try not to take it personally (if, of course, it doesn't apply to you.  If it does apply to you take it anyway you want.)

No wonder everyone is stressed and feels like shit all the time.  If we are stuck in traffic it ruins our whole morning.  Even if it only amounted to an extra 5 minutes.  But this jackass cut you off, and see what that prick is doing? Where did you people learn how to drive, I can't believe they let you on the road!  It takes a while to calm down from that.  But now we're in that mind cycle.  We get to work and this coworker said this, and my boss hates me or he never would have given me this project...  I hear parents ask small children, "Why are you making this so hard for me?" WHAT?!

• That asshole in traffic, just like you, is overly stressed and late.  Throwing your arms up every time you hit the brakes and a steady flow of profanities will not get you there any faster.  Cars will not magically part like the Red Sea, other drivers will still drive carelessly, and, believe it or not, you will not be any happier.  (Even if those aforementioned things did happen, you would probably just find something else to bitch about.)
• And your coworker may or may not have said what you were told they said.  Honestly, if you're listening to this bullshit and getting mad, my guess is you aren't innocent of the same sort of behavior.  No, I'm not perfect, but I'm working on this specifically.  I'm adopting the attitude that if I know I've done nothing wrong, who cares what's said.  After a while people will notice who is catty, who is insecure, and who is a bitch.  By not getting involved I'll escape the negative judgments from those with a clear perception, and in my opinion, those with an opinion worth caring about.
• Finally, your children are existing.  As kids.  They aren't likely to be doing things with the intention of making your life harder.  And, if you don't like they way they behave, it's your fault.  End of story.  YOU ARE THE PARENT.  I could go on for quite a while on this... but I'll spare you.

 Moving on... it is your fault.  It your fault you never got good at the guitar.  It's your fault your house is a mess.  It's your fault you feel like shit.  It's your fault your fat.  It's your fault your a jerk.  Yes, external factors play into your circumstances, but at some point you become responsible for who you want to be, what you accomplish and how you feel.

• I hear things like, I wish my parents got me a guitar (or dance lessons or science kits...) because then I'd be good at this.  If you wanted it bad enough you would have done it yourself.  And since you didn't, it's probably best that your parents didn't spend all that money on you because chances are if you wouldn't have done it on your own you wouldn't have followed through on it.  (And you wouldn't be able to bitch about it.)
• My house isn't the cleanest house ever.  This is an example.  I hear "I had no time to clean" or " I was so busy" or " I don't get any help."  If it bothers you enough to make excuses you have no reason most of the time to not have accomplished it.  Just do it.  Don't tell me you weren't on the internet or watching TV for 5 hours a day..
• I know a girl who eats fast food a minimum of once a day.  She drinks soda, a lot.  She eats frozen pancakes with a side of something that calls itself sausage... Don't complain about your GERD to me.  My head is screaming, NO FUCKING WONDER YOUR STOMACH BOTHERS YOU!  (Not to mention her kid eats the same way, she is on food stamps and several other state assistance programs... but you can eat out 2 meals a day and get your nails done every couple weeks... I'll stop here.)
• And I hear people make excuses for being angry SOBs.  My parents treated me this way, or I was bullied, or taken advantage of.  YOU decided to behave a certain way.  I've read of and met people who are missing limbs, lost too many loved ones, etc and they are still nice.  Anne Frank said, "I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart."  So you can suck it up.  (Usually I think that if she can feel that way, I have no freakin' excuse, but I'm on a role with this whole second person thing.) 

When was it decided that people were no longer accountable for themselves?  People always have excuses; ADHD, dyslexia, bipolar disorder, crappy circumstances. My uncle is dyslexic and he has his masters.  This was before the helpful programs geared towards those kids.  If you want something, and there is something in the way, just work harder.  The fact that it's not fair is irrelevant. 

There is a difference between acknowledging and enabling.  Just because you are bipolar does not mean to be a complete asshole when you feel like it.  Yes, you operate differently, no, it is not acceptable to flip out violently.  I can't believe the number of people who have told me they were diagnosed with bipolar.  Instead of trying to work with it, it's an excuse.  I can't help but spend all the money I have, be promiscuous, do drugs... I was manic.  No, I can't work, I can't clean, I can't bathe... I was depressed.  No, you didn't take a bath because you didn't feel like it. 


I have been depressed.  Suffice it to say for a long time in a serious way.  I played the pity party card for a while in high school.  Occasionally I feel sorry for myself now, but I am responsible for me.  If I want to be happy, I need to take those steps for myself.  No one else if going to do it.  Even if they could, they have their own issues.  It's about building habits.  You are used to feeling a certain way and coping a certain way.  If you are unhappy look at yourself.  You can't control the world around you, but you can control how you react.  Save yourself the coronary, and start becoming responsible for yourself.