No wonder everyone is stressed and feels like shit all the time. If we are stuck in traffic it ruins our whole morning. Even if it only amounted to an extra 5 minutes. But this jackass cut you off, and see what that prick is doing? Where did you people learn how to drive, I can't believe they let you on the road! It takes a while to calm down from that. But now we're in that mind cycle. We get to work and this coworker said this, and my boss hates me or he never would have given me this project... I hear parents ask small children, "Why are you making this so hard for me?" WHAT?!
- That asshole in traffic, just like you, is overly stressed and late. Throwing your arms up every time you hit the brakes and a steady flow of profanities will not get you there any faster. Cars will not magically part like the Red Sea, other drivers will still drive carelessly, and, believe it or not, you will not be any happier. (Even if those aforementioned things did happen, you would probably just find something else to bitch about.)
- And your coworker may or may not have said what you were told they said. Honestly, if you're listening to this bullshit and getting mad, my guess is you aren't innocent of the same sort of behavior. No, I'm not perfect, but I'm working on this specifically. I'm adopting the attitude that if I know I've done nothing wrong, who cares what's said. After a while people will notice who is catty, who is insecure, and who is a bitch. By not getting involved I'll escape the negative judgments from those with a clear perception, and in my opinion, those with an opinion worth caring about.
- Finally, your children are existing. As kids. They aren't likely to be doing things with the intention of making your life harder. And, if you don't like they way they behave, it's your fault. End of story. YOU ARE THE PARENT. I could go on for quite a while on this... but I'll spare you.
Moving on... it is your fault. It your fault you never got good at the guitar. It's your fault your house is a mess. It's your fault you feel like shit. It's your fault your fat. It's your fault your a jerk. Yes, external factors play into your circumstances, but at some point you become responsible for who you want to be, what you accomplish and how you feel.
- I hear things like, I wish my parents got me a guitar (or dance lessons or science kits...) because then I'd be good at this. If you wanted it bad enough you would have done it yourself. And since you didn't, it's probably best that your parents didn't spend all that money on you because chances are if you wouldn't have done it on your own you wouldn't have followed through on it. (And you wouldn't be able to bitch about it.)
- My house isn't the cleanest house ever. This is an example. I hear "I had no time to clean" or " I was so busy" or " I don't get any help." If it bothers you enough to make excuses you have no reason most of the time to not have accomplished it. Just do it. Don't tell me you weren't on the internet or watching TV for 5 hours a day..
- I know a girl who eats fast food a minimum of once a day. She drinks soda, a lot. She eats frozen pancakes with a side of something that calls itself sausage... Don't complain about your GERD to me. My head is screaming, NO FUCKING WONDER YOUR STOMACH BOTHERS YOU! (Not to mention her kid eats the same way, she is on food stamps and several other state assistance programs... but you can eat out 2 meals a day and get your nails done every couple weeks... I'll stop here.)
- And I hear people make excuses for being angry SOBs. My parents treated me this way, or I was bullied, or taken advantage of. YOU decided to behave a certain way. I've read of and met people who are missing limbs, lost too many loved ones, etc and they are still nice. Anne Frank said, "I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart." So you can suck it up. (Usually I think that if she can feel that way, I have no freakin' excuse, but I'm on a role with this whole second person thing.)
When was it decided that people were no longer accountable for themselves? People always have excuses; ADHD, dyslexia, bipolar disorder, crappy circumstances. My uncle is dyslexic and he has his masters. This was before the helpful programs geared towards those kids. If you want something, and there is something in the way, just work harder. The fact that it's not fair is irrelevant.
There is a difference between acknowledging and enabling. Just because you are bipolar does not mean to be a complete asshole when you feel like it. Yes, you operate differently, no, it is not acceptable to flip out violently. I can't believe the number of people who have told me they were diagnosed with bipolar. Instead of trying to work with it, it's an excuse. I can't help but spend all the money I have, be promiscuous, do drugs... I was manic. No, I can't work, I can't clean, I can't bathe... I was depressed. No, you didn't take a bath because you didn't feel like it.
I have been depressed. Suffice it to say for a long time in a serious way. I played the pity party card for a while in high school. Occasionally I feel sorry for myself now, but I am responsible for me. If I want to be happy, I need to take those steps for myself. No one else if going to do it. Even if they could, they have their own issues. It's about building habits. You are used to feeling a certain way and coping a certain way. If you are unhappy look at yourself. You can't control the world around you, but you can control how you react. Save yourself the coronary, and start becoming responsible for yourself.
